Lost

Okay, my gosh, I has been a whole month again and I have not posted here. I am afraid I am very scattered. I go from working a couple of days, to devoting my time to recuperating from work, then to trying to catch up with all of the things around the house that have fallen behind because I was working and recuperating. It is an endless, vicious cycle.

I don’t know what to do with this blog now. I am afraid of being blunt force honest anymore. I am kind of afraid of who I am right now. The title of this blog is so appropriate, because everything feels foreign. In fact, it would be nice if I could be in a foreign place right now. It would be lonely, really lonely, especially without my children. But I am lonely right now, too. I am so seriously tired too. I am tired of myself. I am tired of the pace of things. I am so very tired, not sleepy tired, frustrated tired.

I long to feel the simple joys of life on a regular basis. I can’t seem to get a handle on much of anything these days. I want to use bad words and scream. Then I would like to drink too many adult beverages, turn on some good and loud music, and conjure up some kind of philosophical conversation with a good friend. Well, that would be bad, because it would probably lead to an emotional revelation of some kind and then having had those few adult beverages I would start crying and then it would not be fun at all anymore.

I never promised any kind of wisdom to come from my writing here (did I?) , and I know there is absolutely none in this post! So, what you would learn from this post is that I am in a pickle. We’ll see if I find my way back soon.

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