Well, thank goodness I don’t get paid to do this blogging thing, and thank goodness no one is really counting on me to post, either! Whew, that is a relief! I have been “absent” for quite some time. Really and truly, I have been absent. Where have I been? In another world. . . a world filled with pessimism, negativity, illness, and not enough light. Can you guess? I may have noted before that I am working, part-time. Well, my part-time job is not in hell, but it is in a dark place. It is a night shift at a hospital. I don’t mean to imply that it is really that bad, but it has been an unpleasant experience for the most part.
My internal clock, the circadian rhythm that our body’s are supposed to keep, is all out of whack! I sleep when I am supposed to be awake, I am awake when I am supposed to be asleep; and I am not just referring to the nights when I work. It lasts. The messed up part lasts. . .pretty much all week long. Not pleasant, for me at least, nor has it really been good for the family. I think I will have to go ahead and admit it, I am a wimp. I am not a tough girl. I am pretty strong, in some areas, but with things like this I am kind of pathetic. I guess you could say I am sensitive. My body is sensitive to change, my mind is sensitive to my body.
I have been doing this part-time work thing since September and you can see that my blogging here pretty much dropped off completely at that point. Not that I had a really developed rhythm going, but it just became obsolete. Who has time for blogging when they can’t even muster up the energy to do the most basic of household chores?
Some signs that I am losing it physically and mentally:
No sleep: waky-waky when I should be sleepy-sleepy.
Picking up random household items and not knowing what I should or wanted to do with them.
My toddler son now completely freaks out if he sees me close my eyes or heading towards bed.
Swollen hands. (I have chronic swelling in my hands now, probably due to the extra sodium in my diet from eating foods the are so pre-pared; I can’t even wear my wedding rings, waaahhh)
Acne like a teenager. My face is breaking out randomly and I have even had some enormous blemishes on my neck and chest, yuck.
Thoughts of going to the grocery store on a normal routine day, even with a toddler in tow, are pleasant. (that one is really scary)
My house. That alone is reason to be afraid, if you saw it. I mean, until my husband most recently spent some time cleaning, I think there were actually living organisms growing and breathing under my bed that grew from dust bunnies. Need I say more?
Last, but not least, weight gain. I am a blubbering mess, in all senses of the words. It may not be a whole lot, I am not in a new size or anything, but it is enough to make me feel bad.
Okay, so, I think I have made my point. I have been in a bad place. I have been able to blog a bit in my other blog. . . trying to keep on top of the one that has a more social impact on my life. But this place, where I speak a bit more freely and sometimes more sarcastically, has been neglected like every other part of my life.
We have established that I am a wimp. And of coarse, I know, but you may not, that I also have some health issues that make my wimpy-ness a little bit more so. But, I have to say it out loud, (as if anyone can really hear me) I can not wait until I am working at this part-time job no more!
Now that I have that off my shoulders, I hope to return here more frequently for some self-expression and chronicles of the life of Amy, as interesting, or maybe not so interesting, as it may be!