Seeking Some Light

Today I spent a great deal of time writing a “hardship” letter for our mortgage company. We are trying to sell our home via “short sale” in an effort to avoid foreclosure. Like so many Americans, my husband was laid-off in 2008 and we are still struggling to recover.

Writing a hardship letter is a bit humbling and can easily plummet you into a place of feeling a little down. I am struggling with that lately, I must admit. I reflect and look at what has happened to bring us to this financial point in our life, this point where we are grappling with acceptance of giving up our home. Acceptance in and of itself is something I could write a whole post about, but what I need to do right now, is find the beauty in my day, today.

There are moments today where I am fighting hard to save myself from gloomy thoughts (at least I’m fighting, right?). I have to purposefully choose to think on positive things. And it is only truthful to tell you that in the middle of this hard time, I am finding it difficult to find the positive things.

So, as I was in the shower and thinking to myself about how I must think on these good things, I decided right then and there that I was going to take some time to write and find them, to think on them, and to have them with me today as I fight the urge to sink down. I also had a feeling that others out there have to do this from time to time, so I choose to share . . .

For starters, I must be grateful for the love of God, who cares for me even though I am sinful and make mistakes. I thank Him for his grace and mercy. I thank Him for His son who died on the cross for all of us, so that we may live an eternal life in Heaven.

I am grateful and blessed by my children who are healthy and loving, even with their misbehaving attitudes from time to time, they are a complete joy in my life!

I am happy for the time I will be spending with family this afternoon and evening. It is comforting to know I will be surrounded by loving and supportive people who know me well.

I must think on the blessings in my life like shelter, food, and clothing. For these are such things we all take for granted.

I am thankful for new friendships, on-line via twitter, Living Whole with Chronic Pain Network, and anywhere else I might be lucky enough to meet one.

I am so grateful for the “old” friendships. They are dependable, honest, loving and gifts from God.

I am thankful for the opportunity to share with others who understand the strain depression puts on our minds, hearts and souls. I am so thankful that I can share my struggle today and not feel ashamed for admitting and facing my battle, for I am not alone. Please know that you are not alone if you are struggling with thoughts of self-doubt or negativism. We must be diligent and strong enough to turn to others for support and encouragement. It takes strength to be vulnerable.

May my efforts to see the light during a dark day somehow lighten up your load.

3 thoughts on “Seeking Some Light

  1. First I want to commend you for writing this post. I wrote a similar post earlier this week after the loss of my beloved pet, and I felt so much better after doing so. I hope you have had similar results.

    In 2007 my husband and I began the same short-sale process you are going through. I was unable to work due to an auto accident and our income was cut by 40%. The financial stress of trying to maintain our old life on our new income was too much.

    After making the hard choice to sell our home and committing to the process (which at times was humiliating), the end result was that we were able to sell our home and leave behind the financial nightmare we had been in.

    Every aspect of our life has improved since then. We are renting a great house in a great neighborhood. We have started our own business. We are paying off all of the credit card debt we acquired by trying to hold onto our home for too long. We are much happier.

    It is clear that you have loving family and friends, and a great faith. That is what defines you, not the walls that you have made your home in. You will carry your “home” with you wherever you go. I wish you the best of luck with the sale of your home and hope that the process is not too stressful. Sometimes the hardest life choices lead us down the best paths.

    • What a gift your comment is to me, as I am having trouble sleeping and this issue is on the forefront of my mind! I do believe that God allows circumstances like this to work in our lives to help us, and he also has sent an angel to me with a message of hope and comfort . . . thank you so very much for being that to me tonight!

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