I am in the middle of something. I am in a crisis moment. You know those times in your life where either everything is going to fall apart or everything is going to get better? Maybe you don’t know, but chances are that if you are reading this then you have experienced something like that or something that has felt like that before.
These kinds of crisis moments happen more than once in our life, I think. It is what pushes us to change. As my brother put it to me last night, either there is so much friction in your life that you are uncomfortable enough to make the changes you need to make, or you continue to live in your uncomfortable way until you give up and throw in the cards on whatever it is that is challenging you.
Life is challenging me right now. Maybe God is challenging me. I have this history, this past garbage that needs to be disposed of, and it is weighing me down. Did God give it to me so that one day I could learn how to release it and feel the release and freedom that comes from letting go? Or maybe God didn’t give it to me at all, but He gave me the inner strength to be able to let go of it so that I can move forward in my life? Either way, I’m sure God is in this matter somewhere. I know He is with me. But still, change must happen if I am going to find real peace in my life.
There are so many ways to go about this: is the key in acceptance, forgiveness, revisiting all of my past traumas, writing, praying, seminars, or maybe all of the answers are in a fruit juice with some new and special blend of anti-oxidants? Seriously, I am calling out to God, to anyone who listen right now, and asking, “Where do I begin?”.
Yep, I’m kind of frustrated, sad and angry that the truth of the matter is I am still a mess, or at least things aren’t working well for me. I know, just yesterday I wrote a post about seeing the beauty in life, and I fully believe in the words I wrote. I believe in choosing to see beauty and actively seeking it. But, still, my world is in crisis here. I need help.
It’s a good thing I am not ending the post there, because I know some of you reading this would be really worried about that. (Yes, I know who you are, too, and I love you!)
I am going to take a big leap of faith here in a couple of weeks. I signed up today to go on a journey called, “Breakthrough”. It is a series of intense workshops beginning in May. I am going at the urging of my brother who is about half-way through his “Breakthrough” journey. My brother has never asked me to do anything. My brother has never really shared much of anything with me, and he has asked me to trust him and to do this. So, I am.
I am at that point. That point where you are so tired of living the way that you live that you will try just about anything to make it different. I am scared. I am afraid that it won’t “work”. But, I am going to give it everything I’ve got. I have to. I need to live the beautiful life that is calling to me.
I will share with you what I learn about this process I am going to go through and what I learn about myself as I go through it. I am glad I have someone to share it with. I thank God for that. I thank God that I am not alone. Please hold me in your hope as I hold on to mine.