Do you ever find yourself just wondering, for a moment, if you matter? Have you ever had those nagging thoughts nip at you… “no one would notice”, “you aren’t doing a good enough job”, “you are just taking up space”…?
I know I have, or I would not be able to write about it. In fact, today even, I have fought off those thoughts, choosing to disregard them, although for brief moments I must admit, I believed. As I realized how much of my time has been spent neglecting some truly important things…I found it all too easy to throw myself into the pit of self-deprecation. But, I have to choose to climb back out, not to stay in the pit for very long, or it will hold me captive.
I chose some bright and fun colors to wear today. I chose some colors out of my “norm”, I think in an effort to shake off the thoughts that lingered, for I must have felt as if they would even show themselves on the outside. I was truly proud of myself, but in a habitual way, it was easy for my simple joy to be shucked as I passed by a mirror in one of my favorite stores. The thoughts of worthlessness and shame had crept back up…
You know what I did? I stomped on them. Well, maybe I didn’t stomp all of the life out of them, but I squashed ’em good. What worth are those thoughts of “not good enough”, “not pretty enough”, “not thin enough” anyway? Where does that get me, thinking things like that? Those thoughts get me down…and that is a place I cannot afford to be for very long. How about you?
If I stay in this underground of negative thoughts, I will succumb to the most horrible thoughts eventually. It is my job to pull myself out as best as I can and to tell myself, even out loud if need be, that I am worth-loving, that I matter. It’s too easy to get lost here, in this abyss of dark thoughts…I must choose to follow the lighter path, for it’s worth more than gold or the most precious treasure…packaged up inside these happy thoughts lies my joy and peace, and that is where my heart and soul can be free to express itself and be free of the bondage of lies.
Hang on to the happy thoughts…they are priceless, like you.