Have you ever heard of people describing non-believers, or those who do not believe in Christ as lost? I am not sure what to think of that term, if it is appropriate at all or not. We are each on different paths, so who is to say who is lost?
In a different light, do you know that feeling of purpose, a feeling of being on the right path, that gives you a sense of knowing, of being in just the right place? I am missing that feeling…I miss that sense of comfort. I miss knowing exactly what I believe in and exactly where I should be. I feel lost.
Feeling lost is so uneasy. There is a type of being lost that can feel like an adventure, but at this moment in time, it doesn’t feel exciting or adventurous, it feels yucky. I am wandering around inside myself, feeling a bit hollow, and searching for something familiar. I am incredibly alone here. I would so enjoy the act of an outstretched hand right now. I call out my name, but all I hear are echos in this cavern. I would like to hear a welcome or a greeting of some kind, something like “I am here.” or “Hello my friend.” But the emptiness is too much, too vast.
It frightens me to feel this alone. It frightens me to question things that usually keep me grounded. And even when I am not questioning lately, I am just not “feeling it”. I want to feel it. I want to know with all of me the things that I can count on, the truths that are ever-present and ever-lasting. Have I gone to some place where it just can not reach me?
Thank God for the drive inside to keep pressing forward. Thank God for the gift of knowing that if I go to bed, tomorrow will probably feel better, at least better enough that I can keep moving forward and continue my search. I am grateful for the gift of being responsible for others, for it gives me so much meaning and reason to put one foot in front of the other, to take a deep breath ( or several) , and to find a way to live the next moment as best as I can. Thank God. At least I know who I want to thank, that I can give thanks to Him and feel sure of that. That feels good.
I may be lost right now. I might not know where I am going. But I will keep moving and sometimes I will just breath and that will be enough…