I Choose to Live

Those are some pretty powerful words aren’t they?

“I choose to live.”

How many of us have to make that choice? How many of us have ever been faced with even contemplating that choice? I think so many go through life without ever feeling like it is even in question. But then again, many of us know… we know a kind of pain and agony that has at times made life, well, a choice that we have to make. Choosing to live in the face of terror, in the face of pain… that’s big stuff. I sound a bit dramatic now, but that really is it. When you suffer with unrelenting pain of any kind, you must choose. Sometimes you choose daily. Sometimes you choose each moment. But you keep choosing until you don’t have to think about choosing any longer.

I am blessed to be the recipient of a most meaningful award, the I Choose to Live Award!

As I have said before when I have received an award, I am honored. This one feels especially powerful to me though. Just the simple recognition that I choose to live, and that I continue to do so, despite the challenges of mental health issues, despite chronic pain (fibromyalgia), receiving this feels very rewarding. Sometimes being acknowledged is the most powerful thing we can do for another.

Earlier today I posted on facebook that I have been receiving so much goodness from the world today, it feels unbalanced, I feel like I am a bit too often on the receiving end. I hope to sprinkle some more goodness around to the lives of others. Like Jennifer, the creator of this award, says on her blog, Suicidal No More,” there is hope“. It is always my goal to share that hope and remind others of the hope that exists.

If you are reading this, then please share the message of hope with others who may be struggling. Together we can get through so much better than we can alone.

Two for One

I am really blessed to be the recipient of my second and third blog awards, ever! And yes, I’m keeping track now, because it’s exciting.

The following is the most recent award I was given as a gift from Yumers, author of Jumpstarting a Life with a Little Spark to the Head.

This is an honor for me! I’m just delighted, truly, and I send out a huge “Thank You” to Yumers for thinking of me. According to her post, where she acknowledged receiving this award, there are 3 things I must do as the recipient:

  1. Thank the one that gave it to you.
  2. Write my blog philosophy, motivation, experience in 5 words.
  3. Pass the award on to 10 blogs.

So, here comes the second part of the requirements, my blog philosophy, motivation, experience in 5 words:

sharing for growth, hope, change

It’s really not easy to sum it up in five words!

And finally, to pass the award on to far more deserving blogs than mine:

Our Journey Through Life

Sugar Filled Emotions

Voice in Recovery

A Journey

Anxious Kaley

Beyond Postpartum

Somebody Heal Me

My Postpartum Voice

Telephone Panic

The Mindful Tortoise

And in addition to this first mentioned award, I also received recently, the following gift from Melissa author of Sugar Filled Emotions! Thank you Melissa!

There are no requirements attached to the Beautiful Blogger award, but I would like to pass the gift on to all of the above mentioned substantially beautiful bloggers. Forgive me if for some of you this may be redundant, but I believe you are all full of substance and beautiful, too!

Oh happy day, it’s a 2 for 1 special!

The Illness of Wanting

Do your dreams hurt?

Mine do. Sometimes it hurts just to imagine the world, the life, and all that I feel I am missing. Do your dreams hurt, or simply inspire you?

Is it an illness to want, to want for more in life, all of it’s own? I read an article recently that spoke of depression as an illness marked by people with a constant case of the “wants”. (What do you think of that?) For me, it’s not material things, it’s not money that I want. I want for connection and a consistent sense of living life to it’s fullest. I want for a sense of being loved and cherished, even with my flaws, even with my illness and challenges. I want for better health and more energy. I want for more laughter and less emotional pain.

Don’t get me wrong, I am learning how to feel more at peace in my circumstances and I’m learning to come more into my own…but I’m still wanting. I want more.

A day later:

The wanting comes in waves. I believe all of us experience this kind of longing to some degree, but I wonder if those of us suffering from illness like depression and fibromyalgia (any chronic health issue really) feels this feeling amplified? I believe in the power of our thoughts. I believe it’s important to take these moments where the wanting and longing feels almost unbearable to spur us on for change. I also believe it is okay to share those moments, the vulnerability in it, and to let others know that you are struggling with it. What’s most important, for me, is to hold on in those moments and to remember that the intensity of it will pass. Good things are on the horizon.