Do your dreams hurt?
Mine do. Sometimes it hurts just to imagine the world, the life, and all that I feel I am missing. Do your dreams hurt, or simply inspire you?
Is it an illness to want, to want for more in life, all of it’s own? I read an article recently that spoke of depression as an illness marked by people with a constant case of the “wants”. (What do you think of that?) For me, it’s not material things, it’s not money that I want. I want for connection and a consistent sense of living life to it’s fullest. I want for a sense of being loved and cherished, even with my flaws, even with my illness and challenges. I want for better health and more energy. I want for more laughter and less emotional pain.
Don’t get me wrong, I am learning how to feel more at peace in my circumstances and I’m learning to come more into my own…but I’m still wanting. I want more.
A day later:
The wanting comes in waves. I believe all of us experience this kind of longing to some degree, but I wonder if those of us suffering from illness like depression and fibromyalgia (any chronic health issue really) feels this feeling amplified? I believe in the power of our thoughts. I believe it’s important to take these moments where the wanting and longing feels almost unbearable to spur us on for change. I also believe it is okay to share those moments, the vulnerability in it, and to let others know that you are struggling with it. What’s most important, for me, is to hold on in those moments and to remember that the intensity of it will pass. Good things are on the horizon.