Our faults irritate us most when we see them in others.
~ Pennsylvania Dutch Proverb ~
I have heard quotes like this many times… I have believed it, I have agreed. But now, I really understand it, feel it, and “get it”. Kind of like an “Aha!” moment, I know now one of the things I most need to change in myself. It’s a good feeling to be able to identify it, and it’s scary all at the same time. It’s a moment where you think, “This could make or break me.”
The truth is, it won’t break me, I’m already broken. Aren’t we all? But I have an opportunity to take what I am learning about myself and make the most of it, or I can lose the clarity and lose the motivation to change and make a difference in my life.
I’ve identified how easily I am frustrated and angered by others who are not willing to do what it takes to help themselves. I see how painful it can be to ask for help, I understand it as I have been there. It frustrates me to know another is suffering, yet all they need to do is reach out. So, now I’m thinking, how is this mirroring my own life? What I am not changing that needs to be changed? What am I afraid to do or seek help for? What am I avoiding that must be done for my own wellness?
For the longest time, truly, the longest…I have known I need to implement some very important things into my life. I have discussed them, written about their importance, shared these things in advice with others, but have yet to put them into practice on a regular basis myself. In essence, you could call me a hypocrite, but you do know, I have always had good intentions.
How do days, weeks, and years go by, with a knowledge of what can bring help or relief, and yet I fail to act on it? I have yet to put into practice what I preach (and what has been taught to me), what I know is the number one most natural way to help myself, physically and emotionally, to deal with the depression, anxiety, and fibromyalgia all in one.
Fear. Fear is the only thing I can come up with, the only thing I can imagine is able to keep me in my place, stuck and stagnant. I have spent a lot of time avoiding what I know will help me… (it’s exercise, if you didn’t know already). I keep myself busy, busy in mind, busy in work, busy with kids and all kinds of things I “should” be doing. (Have I ever told you, “Don’t should on yourself?” That’s a favorite of mine by Dr. Paul Fitzgerald)
Most days, exercise does not even get put on my “to do” list. Why? Because I am afraid.
I’m afraid of pain. I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of committing to it and messing up. I’m afraid of the hard work. I’m afraid it won’t work. I’m afraid of looking like a fool. I’m afraid…it could only be fear that could be so powerful.
So there it is, I have identified it. The elephant is no longer in the room! I know what I must do. I must choose to love myself enough to take care of my body. I must choose to face my fear. Or, I could choose not to…but then what would that do for me?
It’s a crossroads. Which way do you think I will turn?
P.S. This is a good time to share encouraging words, did I tell you I think I could use your help?
- 30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know – Part 1 (sarahndipitea.com)
- Fibromyalgia: Living a Balanced Life (webmd.com)
- Anxiety: How To Change Your Response (beliefnet.com)