Not sure how to write about this eloquently, I’m frustrated and ridden with anxiety. I feel really helpless, too.
I’ve run out of a medication that I take regularly for anxiety. It is also something I take, as needed, in an emergency kind of situation…if the anxiety were to get really out of control. Even during times when I have not been taking it regularly, I keep it around, it’s my mental health security blanket.
I tried to refill my prescription before it ran out, I went and dropped it off at the pharmacy beforehand, but the actual prescription had expired. I don’t go through it very fast, so I had not needed a refill in the time since I last saw my doctor. The pharmacy sent the good doctor a refill request form and although no one contacted me to let me know, I found out when I went to pick up the prescription this morning that he had denied it.
I called his office right away, since it was prior to office hours, I left a voicemail message (I promise it was a nice one!). I didn’t hear back, so I called the office and scheduled my appointment. After that, I was transferred to his voicemail again so that I could let him know and talk to him about the refill. I left a second message, feeling rather ridiculous at this point.
This evening, it was approaching quitin’ time and I had not heard from him yet… so I reluctantly called the office again, knowing that I would have to face a second night without the medication if I did not get the issue resolved. I left him a third message, now feeling really ridiculous and as anxious as can be.
Here I sit, no return call from the doctor and the anxiety is riding high… what to do? I feel completely lost and unsafe, knowing that my own doctor has not taken the matter seriously enough to address it personally. I’m sure I’m over-reacting to some degree… because of the fear of an anxiety attack and the symptoms of withdrawal. But it all feels very urgent in my mind. It feels very frightening.
I wonder if physicians understand how it feels to be in this position, to feel so vulnerable and at the mercy of a medication…to be at the bottom of the pill bottle…
I would never wish anxiety, anxiety attacks, or panic attacks even on my worst enemy. Nothing is more terrifying in my experience. If I could be so selfish, I simply pray for my own peace of mind tonight.
Update: I made it through the night, albeit with little sleep. My doctor called first thing in the morning and called in a refill. I am grateful. I have to be sure to take into account that if I had kept up on my appointments, (I did not miss any scheduled appointments, just have not been in for a med check for quite some time.) this whole situation would not have happened. I still believe that I could have been communicated with in a different/better way. Being without important medications is scary, and doctors need to know it is a very vulnerable place to be. That said, I am glad to have my “security blanket” back, even if it is one that I need to learn to let go of. The comments on this post helped me a great deal last night, knowing others understand and feeling empowered to make sure I am making wise choices in my health care really felt good. Thank you so very much for your comments and support!