Facing Faults and Fears

Person performs mystical "Sun Salutation&...
Image by mikebaird via Flickr

Our faults irritate us most when we see them in others.

~ Pennsylvania Dutch Proverb ~

I have heard quotes like this many times… I have believed it, I have agreed. But now, I really understand it, feel it, and “get it”. Kind of like an “Aha!” moment, I know now one of the things I most need to change in myself. It’s a good feeling to be able to identify it, and it’s scary all at the same time. It’s a moment where you think, “This could make or break me.”

The truth is, it won’t break me, I’m already broken. Aren’t we all? But I have an opportunity to take what I am learning about myself and make the most of it, or I can lose the clarity and lose the motivation to change and make a difference in my life.

I’ve identified how easily I am frustrated and angered by others who are not willing to do what it takes to help themselves. I see how painful it can be to ask for help, I understand it as I have been there.  It frustrates me to know another is suffering, yet all they need to do is reach out. So, now I’m thinking, how is this mirroring my own life? What I am not changing that needs to be changed? What am I afraid to do or seek help for? What am I avoiding that must be done for my own wellness?

For the longest time, truly, the longest…I have known I need to implement some very important things into my life. I have discussed them, written about their importance, shared these things in advice with others, but have yet to put them into practice on a regular basis myself. In essence, you could call me a hypocrite, but you do know, I have always had good intentions.

How do days, weeks, and years go by, with a knowledge of what can bring help or relief, and yet I fail to act on it? I have yet to put into practice what I preach (and what has been taught to me), what I know is the number one most natural way to help myself, physically and emotionally, to deal with the depression, anxiety, and fibromyalgia all in one.

Fear. Fear is the only thing I can come up with, the only thing I can imagine is able to keep me in my place, stuck and stagnant. I have spent a lot of time avoiding what I know will help me… (it’s exercise, if you didn’t know already). I keep myself busy, busy in mind, busy in work, busy with kids and all kinds of things I “should” be doing. (Have I ever told you, “Don’t should on yourself?” That’s a favorite of mine by Dr. Paul Fitzgerald)

Most days, exercise does not even get put on my “to do” list. Why? Because I am afraid.

I’m afraid of pain. I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of committing to it and messing up. I’m afraid of the hard work. I’m afraid it won’t work. I’m afraid of looking like a fool. I’m afraid…it could only be fear that could be so powerful.

So there it is, I have identified it. The elephant is no longer in the room! I know what I must do. I must choose to love myself enough to take care of my body. I must choose to face my fear. Or, I could choose not to…but then what would that do for me?

It’s a crossroads. Which way do you think I will turn?

P.S. This is a good time to share encouraging words, did I tell you I think I could use your help?

17 thoughts on “Facing Faults and Fears

  1. I’m afraid of all these things, too. The only thing that has helped me move past the fears at all is focusing on being present in this moment. If I spend too much time dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, I’m paralyzed with fear. But if I can just be here in the now, that other stuff starts to fade away. I love Pema Chodron’s work for her message on this idea. Especially Don’t Bite the Hook.

    • Diana,
      Thank you so much for commenting and sharing your understanding! It is so true, staying in the moment is the best way to beat the fear. I will have to take a look at Pema Chodron’s “Don’t Bite the Hook”! Thank you for the recommendation!
      Big hugs,
      Amy

  2. I think this is a fantastic ah ha moment for you. I have postpartum depression and it’s ugly sister anxiety and even though this has been hell, I am learning from it. I am starting to embrace finding myself and it feels so good. I think that I am actually coming out a better person.
    Great post!

  3. Amy you are such a brave and beautiful soul! Thank you for this post. You are not alone in your fears. I was there not too long ago. I spent 13 years afraid to move, afraid of worsening my pain, afraid of failure, but mostly afraid that my life was as good as it could get. I am so glad I faced my fears, because I was so wrong!

    Yoga is the mindful movement that helped me release my fears. It may not be the movement for everyone, but it has changed my life! I am still a person living with fibromyalgia, but I am living so much better than I ever imagined I could. Now if I have any fears, it is fear of going back to how I lived for the first 13 years of my illness.

    I have been sick with a cold for over a week now, which has turned into a flare. It has made practicing yoga difficult – trouble breathing, low energy, no stamina, – but even without being able to do a complete session, I roll out my mat and just sit in awareness. Yoga has brought beauty into my life! Where once I would have been so discouraged by this cold/flare and considered it a setback, I am now using the time to gently nourish myself and patiently waiting for it to pass. It will pass. It always does.

    Please, do this for yourself. You clearly understand that it will serve you and improve your life. Make time for it. Schedule it in. You are worth it! Anytime you need some encouragement, I am here for you.

    • Dannette,
      Thank you, thank you! Yoga and Tai Chi have been at the top of my “wish list” for forms of exercise I would like to practice. You are a great example to me. I remember when you first began discussing yoga on your blog! I am really very inspired by you. When I think of people who are living well with fibromyalgia you are one of the first to come to my mind.

      I hope your cold and flare pass quickly. It is so important to remember it will pass, in the moment it is so easy to feel as if it will linger for eternity. What a fantastic testimony your words are of how yoga can do so much for mind, body, and spirit!

      I went for a wonderful walk this morning! Yahoo! I thank you for your encouragement and support, it is truly priceless and most appreciated!
      With love,
      Amy

  4. I am SO PROUD and excited for you!!! This is a huge step. You’re so brave to do this. As you know, it’s a lifestyle – excercise, eating right & taking care of yourself. Moment by moment we make decisions to do right by our own self… be gental to you in the process. You’re the only one who can do this for you! Self love starts here. I love that you’re taking care of you first. I’ve found that all the rest falls into place somehow. Tickled, happy & so very proud of you!! You deserve all the best life has to offer.

    • Dear Geri,
      You know, as I have shared this with you, that I am afraid, but am very much aware of how much I need this! You are a wonderful example of self-care in my life and I am so blessed by your friendship and encouragement. (words cannot express) I certainly hope not to set myself up here, but it’s time, in fact, it’s way past time that I do this… =)
      Thank you!
      Great love,
      Amy

  5. Beautifully expressed through your word, AS ALWAYS. I envy your literary eloquence! I’m here for you as you embark on your journey. I’m glad we have an opportunity to grow in life together. I believe in you! And……..I love you. -nichole

    • Nothing quite compares to the knowledge that others believe in you, thank you so much Nichole. I am SO blessed to have you in my life. I love you!

    • My brother,
      My quiet smile says a lot, but you can’t see that. Tears in the corners of my eyes say a lot, too, but you can’t see that either. I am so blessed to learn by your example about the reward of pushing through fear.
      I love you!

  6. I know all of these fears like the back of my hand.
    And I know exactly which way you will turn.

    We both have faith that things can be better.
    It’s worth the fight.

    Much love twitter friend!! ❤

  7. i want to encourage you to be gentle with yourself. fear is actually trying to protect you – as you wisely noticed. can you find some baby steps to encourage more movement in your life? what would be easy for you to do today?

    • Char,
      Thank you so much for your gentle reminder and kind words! I have been incorporating a lot more movement and exercise into my life since I wrote this post. There has been some pain at times, but the feeling of accomplishment is far worth it. I definitely have to be kind to myself and take baby steps! Thank you so much for your comment!
      Amy

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