Teetering Too Close to Depression

It’s been a rough one my friends. I am really hurting, horrible headache and emotions are all on the down side today. I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that I am downright sad and miserable. Feeling icky fibromyalgia-wise two days in a row, plus an awful headache surely doesn’t help. I am having doubts, doubts about myself, about the hope I had pocketed for the new year, about the work I’m doing (am I putting my efforts in the right places, am I doing a good job? etc.) and the need for more income … I feel trapped in a lot of my circumstance and as if I have no options. The walls feel like they are caving.

I can’t seem to see the possibility for change, it feels as if all options are bad ones. Ever been here? It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are in life, when they feel intolerable and when you feel helpless it creates a truckload of sadness. So what to do now?

If I can get through this headache and since I got a shower in today (yippee!) I am hanging on to hope for a better tomorrow. That is what I do… when the day feels it’s gone bad, I just have to put my hope in a new one. Perhaps I’ll get better perspective, more clarity and dear Lord, I pray I have less pain. Brutal honesty, I don’t know if it will happen, I don’t know if I will feel any better tomorrow and I don’t know if I will feel like putting my optimism forward. But, unless I want to end up wallowing in major amounts of self-pity, I am going to have to make an effort. If I remain as I have been today and do not put effort towards caring for myself, it will only be a short walk to the diagnosis of major depression and I certainly don’t need that right now.

I need to prepare myself, what happens if I am still feeling bad physically tomorrow? How can I wrap my mind around that and still find a way to feel optimistic inside. I also need to look for opportunities and solutions for some of my circumstantial issues that are bringing me down. I need to be proactive even if it is in one area and with one thing.  Baby steps are still steps in the right direction. What would  you do to help yourself out of a funk like this? How would you prepare your mind in case it lasts longer than you hoped? What kinds of tools and resources do you keep handy if you feel you are teetering too close to depression?

Speaking of tools and resources, I received an amazing gift in the mail today, that, once my headache is gone, I believe is going to be a great tool for me. It’s called “The Trail is the Thing” and it is a book of reflections based on another book called “Pathways to Recovery: A Strengths Recovery Self-Help Workbook”. I have to admit that I have not done the workbook yet, although it was given to me by one of the authors. I do think I will go ahead and jump into “The Trail is the Thing” because it looks and feels like something much more doable for me now. I’m sure I will have a lot of great stuff to share with you as I read. Unfortunately I do not have a link to give you but when the site is up and running for the books I will make sure to pass it on. Many huge thanks to my friend Lori Davidson, a fellow supporter of AFSP and the Out of the Darkness Community Walks for thinking of me and sending me a copy of this book!

10 thoughts on “Teetering Too Close to Depression

  1. I suffer from depression, and the combination of meds and therapy do the trick for me. I can usually feel a funk coming on, and while I’ve not got the additional fibro issues you do, it sounds like maybe you should talk to someone? I am sorry you are feeling this way and I can definitely relate….

    I hope tomorrow is a better day—hang on!

    • Thank you Erin!

      I am over-loaded today, I think, and doing a bit more venting than usual, but it is how I’m feeling. So often, when the fibromyalgia pain kicks in, everything takes on a gloomier look. I am planning on working with a therapist come January, I am really looking forward to that. It’s been a while since I have been in “therapy”, and I too currently take an anti-depressant.

      Most of the time the depression is in check, and I can usually tell when things are feeling heavier and harder. Certainly don’t want to take any chances. I appreciate your comments and concern.

  2. Hi Amy…….Erin sent me over and I’m glad she did. I’m very sorry to hear about your depression and other issues. My partner lives with pain every day resulting from a stroke almost 2 years ago, and tries to work and live normally, but it is such a struggle for her. Of course, I believe she stays depressed much of the time. Consequently, I fight depression myself on a daily basis. Sometimes I don’t know what we’re going to do and I get tired of fighting it all, you know. I would love to get the link to the books when you get it. I appreciate your sharing your story with us. Thank you,
    Terri

    • I am so sorry to hear of your struggles and your partner’s struggles, too. Life sure can be hard!

      I am glad Erin sent you my way and I look forward to sharing more together. I believe that a community of people who understand is so important! You might be interested in joining the network I recently began, Una Vita Bella – The Community, it is new and growing but it could end up being another great place for you and/or your partner to share the challenges of living with these issues.

      Thank you for visiting, I look forward to “seeing” more of you!
      Amy

  3. For You Amy –
    “Hope” is forever, eternal in us all.
    Unquenchable,
    Like the thirst for Life and Love.
    There is a calmness there
    A place where
    Your soul understands.
    It seeks refuge
    And dictates
    Your tender beating
    Heart.

    Amy – you are never alone in this. You describe a feeling which millions shy away from and pretend doesn’t exist. Your positive force needs to find its way back inside of you, so you can understand its power and let it wash all over you. Wishing you 365 days of love, positiveness and memories to cherish and share.
    Best Regards
    Neil 🙂
    (http://twitter.com/westham999)

    • Neil,
      I can’t tell you how soothing your words are to me. Thank you so very much, for taking to the time to visit, for reading my post, for sharing such beautiful and encouraging words. I am truly most thankful.
      Wishing you the most wonderful year ahead!
      Amy

  4. I am in the midst of major depression, but on my good days, I sometimes feel myself getting close to that edge again. I try to distract myself with something humorous (like a book or a movie). Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

    When you talk about the work you are doing – if you are talking about being a health activist, know that your efforts make a difference.

    • Thank you so much Adam! It is truly comforting to know I am not alone, but I hate for anyone to be experiencing anything remotely similar to the depression I have experienced. Distractions are priceless…and even if they don’t cure it all, they sure help when the pain gets intense! I was reminded of how good it feels just to simply get out of the house today. That was a great mood booster for me.

      And, I thank you, too, for your kind words about my health activism work. It is often hard to know if you are making a difference, but it continues to be worth trying. Every comment or connection I make with others who have gone through or are going through difficult times is a reassurance that the need to share continues. It makes the tough times worth it!

  5. Sometimes adding Omega 3 Fatty acids to antidepressants is a big help. Think about eating oily fish 3-4 times a week or taking fish oil supplements.

    Remember you will feel better, just hang on and move as much as you can.

    • Thank you Virginia! Great advice. I have a big bottle of Fish Oil supplements that I often try to take, I appreciate the reminder and how important it is to be in tune with what we are putting into our bodies when we feel bad emotionally. Thank you for your encouragement, too.

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