It’s been a rough one my friends. I am really hurting, horrible headache and emotions are all on the down side today. I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that I am downright sad and miserable. Feeling icky fibromyalgia-wise two days in a row, plus an awful headache surely doesn’t help. I am having doubts, doubts about myself, about the hope I had pocketed for the new year, about the work I’m doing (am I putting my efforts in the right places, am I doing a good job? etc.) and the need for more income … I feel trapped in a lot of my circumstance and as if I have no options. The walls feel like they are caving.
I can’t seem to see the possibility for change, it feels as if all options are bad ones. Ever been here? It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are in life, when they feel intolerable and when you feel helpless it creates a truckload of sadness. So what to do now?
If I can get through this headache and since I got a shower in today (yippee!) I am hanging on to hope for a better tomorrow. That is what I do… when the day feels it’s gone bad, I just have to put my hope in a new one. Perhaps I’ll get better perspective, more clarity and dear Lord, I pray I have less pain. Brutal honesty, I don’t know if it will happen, I don’t know if I will feel any better tomorrow and I don’t know if I will feel like putting my optimism forward. But, unless I want to end up wallowing in major amounts of self-pity, I am going to have to make an effort. If I remain as I have been today and do not put effort towards caring for myself, it will only be a short walk to the diagnosis of major depression and I certainly don’t need that right now.
I need to prepare myself, what happens if I am still feeling bad physically tomorrow? How can I wrap my mind around that and still find a way to feel optimistic inside. I also need to look for opportunities and solutions for some of my circumstantial issues that are bringing me down. I need to be proactive even if it is in one area and with one thing. Baby steps are still steps in the right direction. What would you do to help yourself out of a funk like this? How would you prepare your mind in case it lasts longer than you hoped? What kinds of tools and resources do you keep handy if you feel you are teetering too close to depression?
Speaking of tools and resources, I received an amazing gift in the mail today, that, once my headache is gone, I believe is going to be a great tool for me. It’s called “The Trail is the Thing” and it is a book of reflections based on another book called “Pathways to Recovery: A Strengths Recovery Self-Help Workbook”. I have to admit that I have not done the workbook yet, although it was given to me by one of the authors. I do think I will go ahead and jump into “The Trail is the Thing” because it looks and feels like something much more doable for me now. I’m sure I will have a lot of great stuff to share with you as I read. Unfortunately I do not have a link to give you but when the site is up and running for the books I will make sure to pass it on. Many huge thanks to my friend Lori Davidson, a fellow supporter of AFSP and the Out of the Darkness Community Walks for thinking of me and sending me a copy of this book!