Peeking Out the Window

My children and I have managed (with a lot of help!) to move recently and we are working now to get settled into our new space. It’s a daunting task, but what is now behind us was worse. It’s a great feeling to know that the (hopefully) hardest parts are in the past, but since I am depleted of energy it can still feel tough to look ahead.

I find myself in a strange place right now. I go back and forth between fear, anger, peace and optimism. My outlook fluctuates frequently. While I have felt relatively stable emotionally, I find myself tearing up and even shedding some tears again, when I thought most of the tears were all used up already. I am in the midst of the messy process of divorce that is one of great grief and confusion, for all involved.

I’ve been here before. But I have two children to be concerned about now and I have to cope with the reality that I also have two failed marriages in my pocket. Both marriages have been valuable learning experiences in retrospect, but incredibly difficult losses and losses that I would certainly prefer not to have.

It’s hard for me to write here on my blog during this time. I know that family members, friends, and who knows who else might be looking in, checking up, and investigating what I publish. It’s difficult to feel safe with that.  In the past I haven’t required too much reservation of myself in writing, but now, everything looks and feels different, almost foreign.

A few things haven’t changed about who I am and what I will continue to share with you…

I live with Fibromyalgia.

I live with Major Depressive Disorder (and a couple of other co-morbid mental health issues).

I am a Health Activist.

I am a parent.

I love social media.

I love awareness…raising awareness, creating awareness and talking about tough issues like suicide and suicide prevention for example.

I intend and am seeking to live a full and beautiful life while loving myself and others all the way through it, as best as I can.

So what is the point of this post really?

I guess I am just peeking out the window of my new “home” and checking to see if it looks safe out here. Feel free to let me know if you see danger!

5 thoughts on “Peeking Out the Window

  1. We have so much in common. With the exception of Fibromyalgia, we could be twins! Take care and don’t expect too much right now.

  2. I would imagine will all the millions of things you’ve had to focus on doing lately, tears would come at possibly unexpected times – when a feeling pokes through the business to the forefront of your mind. I wish I was there to give you a hug each and every one of those times!

  3. Sometimes you need to shed a few tears; it helps the soul. Good luck with your “new” life; I hope the view from your window is one of beauty, optimism, and hope.

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