Sometimes we just lose our way…some of us are a little better at getting lost than others, I think. I would like to think that getting lost is also akin to taking an adventure. Truth is, it doesn’t always feel so adventurous, though. I love adventures… I like to set out on a new experience, voyage or expedition with anticipation and the excitement of a child! Getting lost doesn’t start out with that same kind of curiosity though, in fact, when you get lost, it most often takes you by surprise and leaves you feeling like a child, scared and uncertain.
There are many different scenarios in my life that I can reflect on now and think how I suddenly found myself lost. Like when I developed and was diagnosed with fibromyaglia. My life with fibromyalgia has definitely been a kind of adventure, but not one I intended on and it took a very long time to get past the feeling of being lost, in fact I felt abandoned, adrift in a vast and lonely sea for such a great length of time.
Depression has a way of sneaking up on us, too. Certainly, it is a kind of adventure coming back from the depths of depression, but not an expedition anyone purposefully decides to set out upon. It can be one of those dark and frightful filled experiences that you come out of really grateful to be alive, kind of like a type of horror film, but an adventure none-the-less in retrospect.
I find myself in the midst of a whole new adventure right now, one that started out with the familiar sensation of being lost, and still has me fumbling for my innate ability to discern direction. On any given day I may wake up looking for the excitement in the adventure and then on another I admittedly find myself exhausted, worn out from the trek I had the day before. Instead of a sore body, I sometimes find myself with an aching heart. This new trail has me facing dark shadows in the woods… ones that once I see in the light I can come to terms with, but still scary to confront. It is especially difficult because the obstacles are far too frequently completely unpredictable and purely out of my control.
There are moments of beautiful tranquility and exhilaration, too. For example, tonight, I set out on a simple walk with my dog, expecting the heat and humidity to be cumbersome and for the path to be a bit daunting. Instead, I found myself rejoicing in my ability to freely walk about the trails and sidewalks near my residence, listening to music and at times singing out loud, for the trees and the full bubbling creek, my audience. I wanted for someone to know my sense of freedom and wellness that I was feeling at that moment, so I smiled big at each passerby and sang for the pure joy of the moment.
I may be a bit lost, and floundering at times… but I am still on an adventure. This adventure of life, that sings to me, that sometimes scares me, that excites me and also breaks my heart. I know I’m not alone, we are all making our way through our own adventures, and moments of feeling utterly lost without a map or compass. I find comfort in knowing that you, too, are out there… searching for the better path and sharing it along the way.
P.S. If you are reading this, perhaps you may have noticed my recent absence from blogging. I just want to thank you for reading and staying with me, or for coming back. For anyone who reads my blog, I appreciate you. I appreciate you taking the time to know me and my heart and for simply taking the time to visit. I appreciate you coming back and for sticking it out through the proverbial good times and bad.