I’ve made it around a corner or two! The road is winding. I made it through two days of orientation. That was a breeze compared to my first 12 hour shift that I had yesterday. Now things have moved up to a whole new level and it is okay. Can you believe it? Really, it is okay. I can feel God patting me on the back, kind of saying, “I knew you would be alright, I am always here for you.” What a good feeling to know that He is with me. I wish that I had always known that.
In my blogging I don’t do a whole lot of reflecting on the past, at least I haven’t opened up that door yet. I see the door. I am tempted to open it. For anyone getting to know me through my blogging, I think that it would be maybe interesting to know some of the things I have gone through in my past, yet, I linger in front of the door, with my hand stretched out towards it, but hesitant.
Sometimes it is good for people to know you as you are and not to define you by your past. It really feels good sometimes to go into a local store or grocer and know that you probably won’t run in to a single person that knew you back when, you know, back when things were, well, different. It may be odd that I even think of that. It is something that I consider when I think about moving to a different part of town where old classmates and people from the past are more likely to pop up. It really isn’t about what they will think, but it is about what I will think about when I see them. It is about the memories that will creep up. It is about the memories and feelings that I have stuffed into the little recesses of my brain. (I am glad our brains have all of those little squiggly nooks and crannies, that way there is a lot of room for stuffing things we want to forget!)
Our past defines us and shapes us, the Lord has used that time to bring us to where we are now. Maybe it is important for people to know those things, to put the labels out there and let people pick one up if they want to. It could possibly help someone, right? I mean, that might just be why God allowed me to go through it in the first place! Maybe it will be therapeutic to tell some of my “story”, the story I have so far.
I think I will chew on this idea some more. I do know, that through every post and every story that any of us tells, it is sending a piece of ourselves out into the world. It puts us in a vulnerable spot, but it is good, it helps to connect us. We need that connection, we need each other so much. And we need to be reminded that God was with us and is with us, always.