A Beautiful Life is Full of Changes

Life is ever-changing isn’t it? Sometimes changes are transitions like the rolling hills on a country road and other times the changes are more like the first deep plunge of a roller coaster ride. Many times, it’s a combination of both! Life has been full of so many changes for me and my family. Lucky for me, they are beautiful, life-giving changes and gifts from God. As it is, changes still require adaptation and periods of transition.

My life has been renewed this last year and a half. I have been given the love of my life and I became his wife. I have a much larger family now (from 2 kids to 5!). My struggle with Fibromyalgia isn’t near the painful existence that it used to be, in fact, it’s minuscule in comparison (not entirely gone, but WAY better!). I think I may always contend with the beast of depression (and always want to talk about it) as it has been with me for most of my life, but my focus in life is, more often than not, to not focus on depression as my life sentence. I am also now focusing on parenting one young child with severe autism and another who was diagnosed as being on the spectrum but high functioning. I am also focused on parenting the three teenagers we have who aren’t on the spectrum but present a whole different set of challenges! And, I continue to be passionate about social media and work from home as a social media project manager. But my main and most important focus in life is to be the best and most loving faith-filled wife and mother I can be, who still makes a mess of things sometimes, has a lot of messes to clean up and works hard to remember that life is always beautiful. Perhaps this new chapter is deserving of a fresh and clean blog slate.

What do you think?

Finding My Way

I have to admit, I’ve been feeling a little lost recently. Everything has changed in my life, and yet some things remain the same. The need to care for my children, my health and to provide financially are the mainstays, living beautifully while doing it all is my mantra. Since finding out that my main source of income would come to a halt effective June 30th, (not to mention work that I have felt very passionate about) I feel a bit like I am wandering.

I know I am capable of good and great things. I know that the world needs what I can offer, but finding the right fit and an opportunity that will allow me to shine is the trick.

It hasn’t been that long since I told you about a job search I was on, and now I am back at it again. I am happy to say that my previous employer let me go as part of a change in business plans, not because of any personal detriment. I know they are on my side. But it still feels a little lonely out here. Wandering… looking for my way.

My passion for health activism and advocacy, my love of social media and my desire to become a more educated individual all helps me to feel empowered during this time. I believe that my skills and experience will take me somewhere wonderful, but it is challenging to know where to begin the search, it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, although I know it is there.

I thought I had things all mapped out. I had obtained a second job, I have been able to work from home. I was working on getting into a groove. Then boom, in an instant, everything changes. That’s the way it works for us all usually. Our lives and journeys take on a whole new direction at a moment’s notice. Just when we think we’ve got it all figured out, right? So, it’s back to the question of how we deal with it.

I’m coping. I’m searching. I am looking for direction. Meanwhile I am looking for ways to enjoy the small moments when I can. I am relishing in the fact that while I don’t feel fabulous every day, I am feeling pretty darn good. Stress is certainly taking it’s toll, but I am, all in all, doing okay. Even in the midst of hardship I have enjoyed some great personal victories. I celebrate those and fully enjoy those moments of feeling good about me.

While I am here looking for my way, managing my health, the health of my children, and keeping a level of “normalcy” in tact, I am completely open to receiving a map, a guide, or even a job offer. So, don’t be shy… feel free to share. (Smile.)

Am I Oversharing? That’s Okay.

A huge part of who I am and what I write about involves divulging some pretty personal stuff. I’m certain there are people who have read this blog before and thought, “I can’t believe she just told that to the whole online world!” Believe me, there are times I think that too.

I often reflect on this and have to remind myself why I do it.

If telling you about the mental anguish I have experienced or am experiencing makes you uncomfortable, that’s okay. If explaining to you that I have experienced sexual assault makes you feel weird or nervous for me, that’s okay too. You may not like to read that I have been so depressed before that I attempted suicide and guess what, I don’t like it either. It may be really unpleasant to hear about the pain I have endured, you may even think I’m whining. And that is totally okay, too.

For every story I tell, there are thousands of others that are far worse than mine. There are people who have endured and experienced pains like none I can imagine. But there are also people who know experiences much like the ones I have had or are experiencing a trauma or a dark depression for the first time in their life; they may find comfort in what I have to say. Someone may have just received a diagnosis of fibromyalgia and need to know that it can be very hard, but they can live life with it. There are people who know what it is like to live with fibromyalgia and chronic pain who help me by responding to my posts about living with this illness. There are people who stand up and say, we are not alone, all because I share. There are people who just feel comforted, as do I, to know that another person gets what it is like to face the challenges of anxiety, depression, PTSD, self-injury, etc. and for them I write. Even for those who have endured much worse, I write. I write to let them know that they have my support if they choose to speak out. I want them to know that I believe in them and that they can find healing.

Sometimes I ask myself… am I over-sharing? Did you really need to know that I was molested when I was 7 years old by an elderly man? Nope. You may not need to know that, but by putting that out here, maybe, just maybe, someone will say, “Me too, and it really changed me. It really had an effect on me that I can acknowledge now.” Who knows?

For all of these reasons and more I continue to spill it here for you… and for me. It is the best salve for my wounds. It helps me to know I am not alone, it helps me to know that if I can say it out loud then I can move through it and on to the good things in life. If I can share my struggles with you, then I can face them and I can choose to live free of them. Perhaps this is the greatest reason I write, after all, not that many people read this blog!

So it’s okay. It’s okay to over-share. Feel free to join me, there is no judgment here.

 

My Fibromyalgia Awareness Day 2011

I wrote my post for Fibromyalgia Awareness Day over at WEGO Health and I wanted to make sure I told you all about it here, too… titled “It’s Fibromyalgia Awareness Day: Why Bother?” I hope you will visit the post there and read why I care about this event, even in the midst of so many important awareness activities in the month of May.

It’s not a super eventful day here as far as awareness activities go. I have been extremely tired and it also just so happens to be my daughter’s birthday, but I can still write, tweet, and support the amazing efforts and events that are taking place. You can too!

Related articles

• Happy (?) Fibromyalgia Awareness Day! Here’s something outrageous for your consideration (chronicbabe.com)
• Thursday 13: In honor of Fibromyalgia Awareness Day- 13 Facts about Fibromyalgia (livinglifewithraandfms.wordpress.com)
• put purple in your profile: fibromyalgia awareness day, may 12, 2011 (phylor.wordpress.com)
• Thoughts About Where We Are on Fibromylagia Awareness Day 2011 (ohmyachesandpains.info)

Beyond Survival

It seems like I haven’t posted in forever, so I had to take a moment to step back, relax for a moment and share with you.

Life has been chaotic, to say the least, and I’ll spare you the details. As I’ve mentioned before it is a truly difficult time in my life, based on circumstances not related directly to my mental health issues or my physical health, but all end up woven together somehow no matter what in the end. At any rate, I’m surviving.

Since I last told you all I was job searching, I don’t think I mentioned that I did, in fact, obtain additional employment! The way things worked out is nothing short of miraculous really, and I have to say that I largely have this blog to thank for it, as well as some major blessings from above, the universe, and all goodness in the world. God is good. Even when things seem bleakest, life is filled with presents (sometimes small) that keep it all going in a somewhat melodious way. Life isn’t a love song right now, but there is still music. And wow, I’m thankful for that! Both metaphorically and literally. At some of the hardest times in my life (dealing with depression) I have been unable to enjoy music, one of my absolute most favorite pleasures.

I’m a testament to you all, really, that good things do happen and life living with fibromyalgia and mental health issues can still be alright. I didn’t say easy, but alright. I’m not going to say that everything is peachy and living a beautiful life is what it’s all about at the moment, but it is very much at the heart of who I am, always. I’m demanding more of myself, my body, and my mind than I have had to for a very long time, but I am also treating my body better than I have in a very long time. I’m making it. I’m not sulking, (not too much anyway) and I’m not giving up.

There are still some very tough transitions ahead. There are some difficult choices I have to make in the near future. I am not looking at the finish line any time soon, but I feel like I’m going to get there, that I’m going to somehow make it to a time of more peace, to a new kind of living that is healthier and happier than I have known for a long time. I don’t know what it all will look like, but I believe that I will get there.

(Perhaps it’s a good thing I haven’t blogged on the days when I haven’t felt like I was going to make it, because there have been many!)

If my post seems redundant of things I’ve said before, that’s okay, because I have to keep reminding myself of the good, the good that’s now and the good to come. If I put it down in writing, then, you know, it’s really there. Plus, you need the reminder too, right?

Related Articles

• Childhood Mental Health Woes Could Hurt Adult Romance, Finance (nlm.nih.gov)
• Mental Health In the Movies: Who Got It Right? (blisstree.com)